did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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