Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
