Quick, to the slutcave!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
