dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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