just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
