My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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