I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
