If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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