I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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