How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
