I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
