mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
