I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
