she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Two words: blizzard sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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