Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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