i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made out with two different species that night
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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