I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
