I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
