My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
