I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
