we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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