You just made me feel so damn special
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
