Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
MIDGETS
????
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
