I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
