worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
