you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Houston, we have a blender
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
