I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
