Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
