sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
