Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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