i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
