You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
