can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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