Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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