help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
