I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
