she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My ass is underappreciated
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
