White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
