he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
