Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
