hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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