just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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