Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
