I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
