Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
