dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
