Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
