I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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