last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
