dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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