I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
